A love story.
Clouds mirror life.
Human existence
Our light and shadow
Moody but beautiful
Thunderous thoughts
Emotional storms
Rainbows after rain
Fleeting…
The sky is God.
Constant
Ever present
Never changing
Eternal.
It's a love story.
Everything is temporary.
There is something so devastatingly beautiful about accepting the impermanence of life.
The Murky Unknown.
Painting is teaching me how to stay in the murky unknown. The older I get the more I realize I don’t know anything. I never did. I don’t get to. The only thing that is certain is this is all temporary. The way I see it, we really only have 3 choices: Cling to what we don’t want to lose, resist what we don’t want to be happening, or just be with reality in whatever form it takes. Surrendering to what is here is so freeing. The fear and pain just dissolves. The rest is just self-imposed suffering.
I’m here.
Dragged from a depression bed
For a cloud. A CLOUD.
This veiled bridge between heaven and hell
Sitting on the sand
Tears streaming
God spoke. No, more like whispered.
"I'm Here."
Sorrowful relief
She's been moved to memory care
It's the kind of thing that is sticky in the psyche.
The more you try to wipe it away, the more the stickiness spreads to the fingers.
And then everything else.
Will the worry ever end?
The grief?
Stumbling into presence.
My favorite walks are the random weekday ones where I stumble into presence and inspiration. I planned to just get it done and come home and work, but I ended up staying 3 hours and then coming home and taking a 3 hour nap instead. I think any artist would agree this is also "working". Or maybe I should say I’m never working again.
Worrying is pointless.
I think it's fair to say there is a large amount of collective worry in the air lately. God's plan doesn't always make sense, but I believe that's because it's eternal. We can't see that far out with our natural eyes. It's impossible to grasp fully. It’s comforting to know we are deeply loved and taken care of.
Matthew 6:26-27 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
Birds teach us.
Watching my beach bird friends is how I attune to the rhythm of that animating force of life. They teach me things like balance, perspective, impermanence, trust, and surrender. It's how I've come to know God in a deeper way. It's a beautiful thing to see and experience. Especially when it's a frigid windy day and I'm the only one out on the beach. My favorite kind of days.
The energy of sunrise.
The minutes before sunrise just have my heart. Today was no exception. Folks with sleepy eyes and coffee in hand standing there waiting with me, and yet we are strangers. The glow at the horizon and the light rapidly changing. The energy in the air is undeniable. My favorite part are all the pelicans out to get breakfast. They know!
It flips from a peaceful calm, to excitement for the day ahead, In an instant. And yet so many people miss it. I miss it. All the time! For a warm bed. For more sleep. Because | just don't want to. In fact I pretty much always have to make myself go. Getting past that first layer of resistance is the bane of my existence. I wish I woke up excited to be alive. But alas, I don't. Almost never. But after a half century of this nonsense I'm learning to just move anyway. The cobwebs clear on their own. And it's not long before I've got an extra pep in my step and I'm back out there living.
What if we were already free.
What if we just…
Slowed way down
Really listened
Trusted more
Lived honestly
Chose to let it go
Showed ourselves kindness
Loved unconditionally
Stayed in the moment
Appreciated more of life
Ignored the thoughts
Felt our feelings
Knew we were safe
Realized we are never alone
Accepted reality
Embraced uncertainty
Stopped hiding
Took a step of faith
Walked toward joy
Surrendered it all
One wild and precious life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
This quote by Mary Oliver always makes me pause and feel warm inside. It used to scare me or I'd feel regretful. When I was younger it never even occurred to me that I had a choice in the life I wanted to live. Or that I only had this one wild and precious life. I was mostly just surviving, in an unconscious way. Passively choosing I suppose. I've spent the better part of a decade really looking at this within myself. Where my heart is naturally leading me. When I feel inspired. In these moments I feel energy returning to me. And I'm often surprised when and how it happens. I just know that when I decided to take the path of conscious willingness, I felt much more alive. Much more wild. And more appreciative of this precious life.
Perfectly Counterbalanced.
I want to be able to sprout wings whenever I want. I want to be able to jump off the ground and suddenly be flying, like in every good dream I've ever had. I think about this on windy days like today, when I watch birds find the sweet spot. Perfectly counterbalanced. No energy being expended. And I know this is how I want to live. Not lost in the extremes of doing and non-doing. Just living in harmony with the forces of the present unfolding.
This love is for everyone.
This has been my most transformative month this year and I owe it all to sunrise. There have been levels of unworthiness in me I wasn't even aware of until I stood in front of these skies that were painted for me each morning. The same sky that has been painted for me every morning and every evening since the day I was born. It is my choice to get up and see them and the sky is still there for me if I choose not to. It makes me realize deep within me that worthiness is not earned. And God does not discriminate. This love is for everyone. You only need to be willing to receive it, regardless of what your mind says about it all.
It’s all one miraculous happening.
Sometimes I wonder if the pelicans are as happy as l am on days like today. They must know that the wind is calm, the tide is low and the fish will be abundant, right? They must see the light and marvel too? I like believing that my spirit and their spirit and the spirit of the morning is all one miraculous happening that we got to experience together.
God is my alarm clock.
I have an agreement with God. He wakes me up for sunrise, so I don't have to set an alarm and be stressed. I'm often left to sleep, which feels like a kindness in itself. But some mornings, like this one, I don't even have to open my eyes or look out my window at first light. I know in my spirit. I'm getting up or I'm missing out on a huge blessing. Well, I made it and it was more than I could have asked for.
